I got my posting...

I'm attached to...

Merrill Lynch Global Services Pte Ltd

I heard rumours regarding the life in ML(my branch).

1) Unfriendly colleagues
2) Cramp office
3) Prepare to work OT
4) OT could last till 1am
5) Heavy workload
(Disclaimer: these are the opinions I heard and not my own personal comments)

I do not understand why I got this posting. My chosen field for attachment is Audit and apparently, ML is a company which specialised in financial service which includes:
Personal financial planning
Securities underwriting
Trading and brokering
Investment banking and advisory services
Trading of foreign exchange
Commodities and derivatives
Banking and lending
Insurance
Research

None of this services got the slightest relationship with audit! So why why I got into this company? I am good with financial accounting, tax and audit. My weakest area would be financial management and other qualitative modules. I really really do not know what I will be doing in ML.

There were good news as well as bad. Steven & JieMing both got into the habourfront branch and I was posted elsewhere! Millenia Towers was the place. Luckily there is still someone I know by the name of Jing Ying :) There are other familar names in the ML list of which I am unsure of whether they will be at the same branch as me.

Finally, exam starts on 15 Aug.... Must chiong now...

My first paper is going to start on 15 Aug which effectively means that I have only


If I were to study very very hard from now, the possibility of getting 3.9 above aren't low. My prediction for my grades:

AFA - A
Audit - A
Tax - A
MA - A (a bit pessimistic)
CLAW - A
WISP - A
PCT - A (pessimistic as well)

Although my expectations are high, I do hope that I will meet my expectation instead of falling with a loud thump! I been telling myself since the start of the semester: "this is the last chance for me to score a perfect grade in poly!" I don't care about positions. What I care about is whether I am able to get into NTU accountancy with a Diploma with merit! To be honest, I will be totally lost if I can't get inside NTU. I'm without Additional Mathematics so admission to NUS to already out and I not sure whether my EQ and oral skills will be good enough for SMU.

There is going to be lots of outing this week.
Wednesday - Saki Sushi with TA24
Friday - Lunch with TA09
Saturday - Singapore Bike Fest

Hope I got enough $$$ to spend..

First and foremost, I pass my Napfa Test!!! 25 Points and a gold medal. This means that I will be able to skip 2 months of N.S.

P.S
Thank Eugene for your help :) owe you 2 cup of tea...

Another announcement made by Mr Simon Tan, my audit tutor. He announced that my group got A for our project. Hopefully, the AFA project will the as good as the audit project. Frankly speaking, for a pathetic 15% grade, I was deprived of sleep for 2 days! I should had feedback that a higher percentage should be given for this project. Maybe they could consider it as the FYP for accountancy.

Plus, I had been following Superband for a few weeks now and I am beginning to find one of the host cute :)


What else to update? I been putting this particular person as my display pic for the whole week :)


and I had purchased a pair of grips for my bike, a grip which is said to be the best possible grip that money can buy. Costed me 92 bucks :(

Last but not least, I went through a movie marathon from 25 July to 26 July. Caught 2 movies namely X-files and The Dark Knight. Both are rated 4 stars by Yahoo Movies. To keep it short and sweet, X-files is dull and Dark Knight is draggy but very watchable.

Btw, I read this story in a forum... I would like to share it with you guys...

P.S it is a non-fiction story...

Title: Ironic Life

I went over to Philippines to conduct training for some car and bus workshops just last week. But the fruits that left the deepest impression in me isn't the success of the training seminars but rather the first hand eye witness account and conversations I had with a girl over there.

The streets were filled with beggars, the slums were filled with people who dug into rubbish chute for food like how a dog does. The roads are full of pot holes, uneven steps, basically a biker/driver nightmare.

And here's a very revolting joke derived from the eye witness account I had over there.
A Singaporean went to Philippines on a business trip. After touching down, his client went to pick him up at the air port. On the way to the hotel, he saw a lot of beggars on the streets and he took out his cameras to snap them. The Philippines client was very curious and asked why did he do that. The Singaporean replied, "Beggars are tourist attractions to me! Because back in Singapore I cannot find beggars on the street!"

On the first night after meeting up with one of the Porsche specialists, the hospitable boss brought me and my head of dept form the sales side to a bar called mystique. The atmosphere reeked of sleaziness. I always have this discrimination on women who work in this part of the service industry as thanks to the PRC who came over to Singapore to entice local men of their money and had the cheek to go on the papers to broadcast. However, the 2 meetings with this girl had an extremely disturbing effect on me.

She's an absolutely stunning girl coming to 20. With mesmerizing eyes and seductive figure. Dressed in an eye snatching low cut dress that even emphasised her irresistable assets. I shall call her N. When she sat beside me, I avoided eye contact with her. Refused to talk to her as much as possible yet not wanting to appear arrogant. Then she placed her hand on my thigh. I withdrew quickly and she apologised. But as time went by, not wanting to appear antagonised, I commenced communication. She speaks with a below average English in a tagalog accent. However we were able to communicate very well. And soon managed to talk deeper into more topics. N asked me how do I find Philippines and I kept quiet for a while. "Not OK?" she prompted as I recall her preparing to 'punish' me. I then replied "Everything will be fine if not for the corruption." This seemed to have hit the raw nerve of the entire topic. She enthusiastically agree with my allegation. We managed to get cosy with other on our conversations and felt like friends more than a transactional customer. I gave her a little tip of SG$100 which really felt worthwhile for being able to have someone ease my discomfort while staying 'entertained' in front of my client.

On the final night, I conducted the first ever major training seminar on vehicle race suspensions and steering system which I have never conducted in a scale like that before. I was expecting it to be a very challenging night as I went through all the technical details. About 100 people turned up in the car owner's gathering pub including workshop owners, engineers, mechanics, sales, car owners and also the press which gave me the most pressure. Surprisingly the seminar turn out to be extremely successful.

In order to thank my efforts, the Porsche specialist brought me to the same bar to 'give me a treat'. He insisted that I must get a girl which I politely declined even though to him it sounds offensive. He insistantly pushed another girl to me. This girl however was not able to engage me in conversation and within 5 mins popped the question which scare the living daylights out of me. "Do you want to go to the VIP room." I told the head of sales about it and he insisted "If you don't like we can always change the girl." His statement made me feel like I'm really a bas-tard who treats girls like some goods with warranty. I told him I don't want. But he insisted that this is my final night and I must give the client face by enjoying the evening to the fullest. The client is paying and it is an insult to him if I were to be so calculative over such business entertainment.

It was at this moment when I gave him my answer. Little did I know that my decision will bring about some changes towards the way I view things ... ...

I told the head of sales, "I'd rather have N here. at least we can really communicate." Immediately, he turned to the Porsche Specialist and mumbled something to him amidst the noisy background music with girls clad only in see through bra and underwear walking on the cat walk stage spilled across the hall.

Then I fled to the toilet. I stayed in the toilet for quite a while without realising that I was already having numb thighs over the toilet bowl. After I got out, I went back to the table hoping to see the seat occupied by the girl earlier beside mine empty. It was indeed empty. But when I approached further, I realised that the seat on the right which was initially empty was seated by a girl with hair slightly beyond shoulder length. The whole area was poorly lit and noisy with the loud music blasting away. Surprisingly, when I reached the table and saw N turning around to me, I didn't know why but felt delighted instead.

"Hi!" I remember I greeted her warmly. And sat down beside her and didn't mind her sitting nearer to me this time round. Immediately I told her about her friend who scared the sh*t out of me; literally.

We started to chat and while we couldn't stand the loud music that seems to drown every bit of our talk. I suggested to go to the VIP room instead.

A room was arranged quickly and we entered the room on the first floor. Once inside the room, one of the attendants immediately asked "Sir, do you want condom?"

Startled by the ghastly straightforward question, I didn't know what to answer. So I gave the attendant 500peso to leave. N then sat beside me and from her mesmerizing eyes, I could sense the delight in her. And then she asked me a question which I wasn't able to fathom the reason behind it. "You er... I ask you 1 question you don't tell your friend, ok?"
I gave my obligations without questioning.

"You in Singapore got wife?"

The question left me in absolute shock. Stunned and dumbfounded. Up till today I was still wondering what was the reason she asked that for. Was she trying to hint me that she's interested in me? Or was she trying to find out whether married men always fool around when they have a little money or on men only business trips?

While still dumbfounded, the attendant returned. And this time he returned with a menacing agenda. He brought back a packet of condom!! He has mistaken the 500peso tip I gave him to leave me alone as the money to pay for the condom!!!

This is simply ghastly... I was stuck in the situation with a girl asking me a question which really left me pondering about her certain affections to me. On the other hand with a packet of condom on the table and an attendant looking at me innocently...

Then N asked whether do I need some hot towel and I instantly replied yes and the attendant wanted to calculate the remaining 400peso with me on how much change must he give me. I told him to keep the change and go.

Returning to the sofa this time I started to chat about her family. Days ago when I first met her, I asked her about her family but she said it's a secret and kept mum about her family.

But this time, she started to spill some info about her family member. She told me that she has 4 persons staying in her apartment in Manila in Ortiga QC. Her mother, younger brother and younger sister. It was at this moment when I realised that she is lifting most guard off. Her brother is sick but she didn't reveal or I'd say was unable to express in English what's wrong with her brother's sickness. Her younger sister is only 16 and still schooling. And her mother is not working. But when I asked about her father, she'd just pretend not to hear. Just mention that he is not with her now. In my opinion, I think her father may have dumped her family or they have moved out to flee from him. She originally does not stay in Manila.

The attendant returned and passed me the towel and left.

I also asked whether she came to work in Mystique on her own accord. Her reply was positive. Just as I expected. N's mother does not know that she is working as a prostitute. She lied to her mother that she's working in a casino. As she gradually shed light to her predicament, I finally realised her condition. My heart was filled with pangs. An absolutely stunning girl like her could be poised by circumstances to work in a bar selling her body to be multilated by men whom she hardly know for money in order to take care of her brother, sister and mother. I have always seen truely pathetic people on television but never had the opportunity to know and come into contact with a real one in life.

Even though I really had the urge to make out with her as the condom was still on the table & she has an irresistable appearance. But I really felt I don't have the heart to do it.

"Do you treat me as your customer or friend?" I asked her.

She hesitated and replied "Friend" without much confidence.

I told her firmly that I hope that she treats me like a friend and as a friend, I want to show her respect by not forcing myself on her. Some may ask. How am I forcing myself on her when I am a paying customer. But it is exactly this point when I am forcing myself on her because I can afford to pay. This definately crushes her already battered integrity.

We continued to chat till the bar closed. As I peered through the curtain, I saw men packing up the chairs by inverting them over the tables, music off, lights on. I told N that we should be leaving too. I held her hand and we walked to the table where B (my head of sales) was seated at. I asked him where's M? (M= the Porsche Specialist). He shrugged. Within minutes, M came to the table and N started to communicate to him in Tagalog and walked away for a while. M then told me. "N knows tomorrow is your last day and she wants to have lunch with us tomorrow and see you off the flight."

Excited by this pleasant surprised, my eyes lit up in delight. N came back shortly and then told me that she's leaving with me. So she asked me to wait for her outside. She went back to the room to get changed while M, B and myself walked outside. It was already 4 in the morning. But the streets of Ortiga was filled with traffic like as though everyone were preparing to go to work on a Friday morning.

But what caught my attention wasn't the traffic but the overwhelming number of beggars surrounding the 3 of us. I looked at how scorched, worn scorned the beggars looked. A ghastly sight which I have never see in singapore from the day I was born.

I spoke to B in Mandarin that I am really shocked by the number of beggars on the streets. And about N's predicament. I also commented that many Singaporeans have no idea how fortunate they are in Singapore where we can complain of ERP & taste of food when these people do not even know whether they will have their next meal. My heart really bled for them and as much as I wanted to spare them some money, I knew I couldn't. If I gave one of them, the rest will swarm towards me. Given their numbers, the 3 of us will be easily outnumbered by 1:10

The torment of seeing the beggars ceased when N finally came out of the bar and got into M's car.

Then I realised, she's coming to the hotel with me...

Upon getting into M's car, I tried to re arrange my lap top and projector spewed acrossed the back seat of his BMW. N sat on near side of the car while I sat on the off side with the center empty. But before we headed back to the hotel, M & B played the worst prank that ever anyone had played on me.

All I knew was that M drove to a large roundabout and stopped at the road side. A tanned old man grabbed a girl and moved quickly to his car. Yelling in Tagalog, I could not decipher what they were saying. But based on the circumstances, it seemed like they were in the 'Geylang' of Ortiga. M asked whether do I want any of them jokingly. But it wasn't funny. With the window down, N was also looking out curiously like any late teenage girls will.

B and M were laughing to their heart's content when I was freaking out in the car.

After the little commotion, we drove off, only to witness the aftermath of being freaked off by the Philippines sex industry.

Having N in the backseat with me seemed very embarressed. So was N. We didn't talk inside the car while B and M kept pullin our legs by poking fun at the both of us. Making remarks that N must service me well, I like N very much that's why I went to look for her again etc etc.

The hotel that we were staying was a 4.5 star luxurious hotel. Spacious and comfortable. Upon reaching the front porch, the bellboys rushed forward to open our doors and carried my lap top and projectors. Ushered us to the security counter for checking of firemans. N had to register herself on a book as she wasn't a guest in the hotel.

N and I smiled to each other with mutual understanding that it's part of the customary security process and she filled up the book. While we walked up the stairs to the lift, B started to remark, "Although she's a very nice girl, but still you must keep your wallet and expensive things in the safe." I nodded in acknowledgement of his advise and he proceeded to tease me again, "Do you have your rain coat ready?"

"Why we must have sex and not chat instead?" I asked B. but he smiled instead as though he was expressing 'All men are the same'.

We took the elevator up to the 12th floor and bade good night to B when we reached our room first. When N stepped into my hotel room, I was suddenly reminded the mess I left the room to be earlier when I left. All my underwear which I washed in the hotel toilet was spewed all over the big armchair like an undergarment exhibition. Filled with embaressment, I grabbed them and stuffed them into my luggage trolley.

"Sorry, men's room, so very messy." I tried to explain.
"It's OK..." N replied. She placed her bag on the other armchair nearer to the king size bed and went into the toilet. Within seconds, I heard a loud bang coming from the toilet.

Startled, I rushed into the toilet to check what happened, what greeted me was really blood pumping embaressment...

As I stood at the door, I looked across the toilet and saw N almost naked in her undergarments. She was trying to sit on the toilet bowl. Of course, she will bent down slightly to fit into the curvature of the toilet bowl structure revealing her perfectly sculpted assets. The size were just so fitting for her body frame and the proportions were just too well engineered by God.

"sorry", she said with a little apologetic tone. Apparently her hands slipped off the toilet bowl cover when she was trying to put the cover down.

Filled with embaressment, I also apologised and quickly closed the door and walked away. Instantaneously, I realised what a moron I was. I could've knocked on the door and asked what happened even though it wasn't locked.

I hear N bathing in the toilet and I thought. 'Is that it? Are we really going to do it here on the last night of my first trip to philippines? Aren't we supposed to be friends?' I was torn from limb to limb emotionally. One side of me was telling me that N has the looks and figure to die for. Gentle, domesticated, polite. And what was I waiting for? for sun rise?! Meanwhile on the other hand, I was reminded that N has to stoop to this not because she wanted it. And I must not take advantage of her since I openly declared to her that I want to be her friend and not a paying customer.

Ambiguous, hugely contrasting, undecided...

And N came out of the shower clad only in bath robe. I could feel a throbbing sensation reminding me that my biological requirements were in need of rejuvenation.

And so, I grabbed my clothes and fled into the toilet, closed it and sat on the toilet bowl. I felt my heart beating fast and asked myself. 'Are all men the same?'

Cleared my bowels and showered. Clothed casually as I were to be at home, I came out of the shower. And there I saw N sitting on the bed looking at her handphone with some message alerts before hand.

I went over to the other side and I asked her, "your mother?"

"No, my friend." N replied with her killer smile again.

"So... did you tell your friend that you are with a friend or customer?" I asked.

"Friend." She replied with more confidence now.
I moved over closer and told her. "I don't want to be your customer. I want to be your friend. And being your friend it means I cannot force myself on you or do anything to hurt you."

N seemed to be unable to comprehend my slightly slanged English with more than usual vocabulary thanks to spending 8 hours a day with the Caucasians in the office. She then turned her phone and started to show me photos in her phone.

"This is me without make up." She said in a smile. Well.. they look the same like the one I see beside me now, just as attractive.

Then she scrolled to the next photo, "My sister." I asked her about her sister's age and she replied 16. And she's still schooling. Of course, there's no question who's paying for her sister's school fees. Then she scrolled a few photos showing her hugging her sister in affectionate sisterhood positions. Eventually coming to a photo of a young man. This young man look sick. Just like how you will describe a drug addict.

I was expecting her to say that he's her bf or sort of that.
"My brother." N introduced.

I was taken by surprise. I went on to ask her how old is her brother and she replied 18. "He is sick." N said. Well.. judging from the photos, it was extremely obvious that he's probably suffering from some chronic illness or simply suffering from severe malnutrition.

Further scrolling showed a picture of her father whom she briefly mentioned, "My father" and changed the photo. She showed my other pictures of the Philippino Segala tradition in her village. She explains that this is a form of parade when the church in her village will appoint a single man and woman in their youth to don clothings of extreme aesthetic attraction and parade around the village. I do not know the exact reason for the practice. But she looked stunning in the pictures. Her male escort was her cousin.

She went on to feature many gay friends. Men in women's apparels and make up which looked really revolting. And I am really amazed at how innocent she was. Absolutely no discrimination towards any form of human beings.

The rich, the poor and the gay are all her friends. By now, I was utterly ashamed of myself...

Back in Singapore, we think we’re the wealthiest nation, most highly educate beings in the region. But we suck up to the Americans and bow to the Europeans. Our SPG is an entire disgrace. There’re those who despise motorcyclists, look down upon those who only have a diploma. Outcast the ex jail-birds, laugh at the homosexuals, Stamping a 2B rider with a class 2 bike, Giving the ‘you are the loser look’ when you stare at a Suzuki swift from a Ferrari. You name it all… And here is a girl in her late teens and she sacrifices herself by working in the lowliest of all lowliest professions to feed her unemployed mother, sick brother and schooling sister. Even with some of my achievements, I really feel like belittling myself compared to this young Philippino girl.

Here I am complaining that I need a faster car and looking at the 100K range as being affordable, while N belongs to the group who has to squeeze in a jeepney before she started working in the bar. My colleagues complained that the restaurant is full and we should’ve made reservations while many people over there hope to have a crowded restaurant so that there will be more left over scrimps in the rubbish bin for them to scrape!

Many of our Singaporeans here simply have no idea how fortunate we are in this little authocratic island whereby ERP springs up every now and then because it will add up the operational costs of our cars and bikes. Even though I am not a PAP supporter, yet I cannot deny that the PAP led by our forefathers had done an amazing job in sculpting the economic landscape that we have today.

I couldn’t hold it any longer and felt tears slowly welling up my eyes. As men, I did my best to fight back my tears. I got up from the bed and walked to my bag and retrieved my wallet. Took out 3500pesos and tried to stuff it into her bag.

N asked, “What are you doing? What are you putting inside?”

I replied, “It’s money. Heck, it’s not that much, only 3500peso. And don’t ask so much questions.”

“No… but we no have sex…” N said.

“No way, we’re friends, and I want to respect you by not forcing myself on you because you are my friend.”

“No… but we no have sex…” N persisted but I did not relent.

I went beside her and told her the reason why I ignored her. And my discrimination towards people who work in this part of the service industry. I explained that after a while I thought she was there because she had to support her family or her husband and bf and not there just to dig more money to add on to her wealth like the PRC.

When she heard about husband and bf, she immediately protested the claim, “No no… I got no husband and bf. If I have husband and bf, I will not work here.” She paused, “But I don’t want to have a husband or bf.”

We continued to chat until the sun came up when N finally fell asleep. I remembered that N said she must be home by 6:30am or else her mother will ask as she’s ignorant of N’s current profession. But she’s making an exception for me. It’s already 7 am and she’s still sleeping. I looked at her sleep on the bed and many thoughts raced acrossed my mind. I gazed across the slit between the curtains overlooking at the landscape of the Philippino capital. I wonder how many people like N exists in this country. Probably too many to keep track of.

The rich in Philippines are mainly the Chinese who originated from Fujian and have assimilated into the Philippino culture. These rich are the filthy rich. One of my client’s client who buys my products for his personal car owns a X5 and employs a Philipino chauffer to drive him around. Another owns a 997 and runs a multimillion business selling something called ‘halo halo’ (Hopefully the spelling is right). However those who do not possess a sound business mentality will not be able even find the right career route to feed his family. An executive there earns only a quarter to half of what Singaporeans do. Don’t talk about changing into Michelin tyres and complaining about the Pirelli supercorsa is too expensive. Because they have no 600cc to begin with. My conversations with M, with another major customer from the commercial vehicle industry, with N all unanimously accused that the problem lies in the corruption. Philippines is a living example how corruption can ruin a nation.

As these thoughts went on, the weariness sets in and I dozed off on the arm chair.

Out of a sudden, I was awakened by N. She was definitely swearing in Tagalog over something and kept apologizing profusely. I took a good look and realized why…

Her menses has arrived and she has stained the bed with it. She rushed to the toilet to deal with it. Another heart wrenching fact sets in. What about the times when these girls are having their menses? Do they still only earn the 50peso on the orange juice? The amount of income depends on that hole below which basically docks for servicing once a month for 20% of the operational time. And what do they eat during then. I cannot imagine the sight of some men who mind the mess will hit the roof if they are being served by a girl who’s undergoing biological re-structuring.

N got up from the bed and in doing so, her robe slit opened and revealed what lies underneath. For the first time, I see her in the nude. With absolutely no defects on her slim and well proportioned to die for body. Coupled with an aesthetically stunning face and especially her mesmerizing eyes. But even so, I was unable to have any heart to do anything. She is my friend now. And no matter how prepared or willing she was, I don’t want to do anything to degrade her integrity when she’s with me.

N apologized profusely but I kept assuring that it is fine. I really didn’t have the heart to blame her at all. She packs her stuffs and said she needs to go back home to let her mum see her at least once to be at ease. I agreed and asked how is she going to go home. She said she’s going to take a cab and I stuffed her another 100Peso for the fare home.

Now some may wonder why 100Peso? Just days ago during one of my trips to conduct seminars, one of the cabbie tried to rip B and myself off by demanding for 200Peso. B was pissed and told the cabbie to use the meter instead. The latter reluctantly used it but tried to convince us that the road is jammed and difficult to travel. The fare came up to about 70peso. Which is about SG$2.00. The distance covered was about a good 20mins. Compare this with the fare we’re paying in Singapore. The cabbies earn a miserable 20% of what our cabbies earn in Singapore. Considering the higher cost of fuel and operation costs (Petrol in Philippines costs also about SG$2.00/L). Their cabs were absolutely cra-p. Air conditioner was not working, vehicle has no working suspensions, seats were moldy and uncleaned perhaps since the car was bought.

Before N left, I asked will I get to see her later during lunch and before my flight. She said she will try her best. After she left, I don’t know why by felt a sense of lonliness. N has really started to matter in my heart. No matter what, she is the first friend I made outside the boundaries of business.

With her away, I went back to sleep and did not wake up till 10:30am. Absolutely worn out, I still couldn’t deny the fact it’s close to 11am. M will be coming to fetch both B and myself for lunch and some shopping on our last day before flying. I also did not harbour any hopes that N will come given the fact she went home merely 2 hours ago.

At 11am, I called B who’s staying 2 rooms away and said I am ready to leave. He told me M will be late. And he’s still driving on the road. I was expecting that since we all had a long night. And it will be unwise to blame my client for being late. He has every right to be.

I packed my luggage, pulled my trolley bag to B’s room and sat down. Waited for M to call. Occasionally I’d slip into a brief sleep in order to catch up with the rest I didn’t take. The call didn’t come until close to 12pm. M called and he said he will arrive in the next 10 minutes. B and myself grabbed our packed stuffs and quickly went downstairs to check out. The bill came up to about a grand in Singapore dollars for each of us. I can afford to stay in Shangri –la over the weekend and yet not spend too much that eats into my buffer. But an average Philipino will never be able to accommodate such a livery. 5 days in this hotel will cost an average executive his entire month’s salary.
As we dragged out feet to the front porch, I saw M’s vehicle a mini bus and not his car has arrived. In Philippines, there’s a very stupid ruling. On Monday, if the last digit of your number plate ends with 1 and 2, you are not allowed to drive that vehicle. On Tuesday, if the last digit of your number plate ends with a 3 and 4, you are not allowed to drive that vehicle and so on. This is done to control the number of cars on the road. Therefore those who own cars will simply buy another car and add on to the jam. Political policies that comes from a corrupted inefficient government.

While B and myself stowed our luggages into the rear compartment of M’s mini bus, I saw someone else sitting inside the minibus. I went forth to take a look and saw…

… N sitting inside. She greeted me warmly and I couldn’t help it but feel extremely delighted to see her.

“I thought you were not coming?” I asked but definitely delighted with her presence.

“uh? You don’t want me to come?” N replied.

“No no of course I want.” I said.

B started to tease, “Wow… what did you do to her last night? She don’t want to sleep and come over to meet you.”

I felt myself flushed with embaressment. N is a friend to me, but still I felt the sensational affections of being able to spend my last hours in Philippines with a friend like her. And it was at this time when I realized why was M late. He has went to pick N up amidst the jam. I really appreciated this gesture of kindness.

But the following hours became an even hurtful revelation for me as I started to decipher some of the hidden pains N has painstaking concealed.

On the way to lunch, I told N that I texted her twice but she didn’t reply. She said she didn’t receive and I confirmed the number. I later realized that I should’ve omitted the zero in front.

We travelled to the Philippines Seafood market to purchase live seafood and bring them to a restaurant to cook them. The seafood there was utterly water spitting fresh. Clams, Oysters, prawns and a fish were all purchased fresh. The Chinese seafood restaurant cooked the seafood supplied by M and the 4 of us started to tuck away. Even though B and myself knew that over eating oysters can lead to severe abdominal pains, we still went ahead and ate all available cheese oysters on the plate. Basically everything on the table was tantalizing delicious, especially outstanding was the barbequed oysters.
After that, we grabbed the mini bus and went to the Mall of Asia. Reputed to be able to dwarf our vivo city and suntec city. And indeed, the sheer area covered was impressive. As we walked into the building, B started to hunt for clothings for his 1 year old son.

While walking about, we came about a ice skating ring. N walked nearer and looked at that. “If I am not tired, I want to go there.” She remarked playfully. Instead of melting my heart with her concealed adolescence, I was gripped with continuous pangs in my heart. Here a girl who’s entitled to enjoy your late teens have decided to destroy it in order to feed her defenseless family. When she saw the sea outside, she said similar things as in wanting to swim. Likewise, it didn’t bode well for me. It was another cry of pain disguised in glee with numbness.

At the age of 20, our girls here are spending time selecting bf, worrying of having to stay single, meeting with friends in shopping arcades, studying for a degree/diploma. But N has to stoop to become a member in the sex industry in order to make ends meet for her whole family.

While we walked in the Mall of Asia, I noticed that N is a heads turner. Many men turned to look at her. Her stunning aesthetically appealing appearance instead of being an asset became the very asset that led her to dwell in the mire. All for the love of her family.

The previous night, I told her that her sister is young and schooling. So N must do whatever she can to ensure that her sister does not fall into this trade too. She agreed and emphasised again that no one in her family knows about what she's doing.

After searching for shops for baby clothes for B’s son in vain, we finally went to one of those deeper into the mall. As B came out, N couldn't take it any longer and said to me. “I want to have a baby and give my baby many dress to wear.”

This was directly indicating that N yearned to have a family despite her condition. But earlier in the night, she said that she didn’t want to get married nor have a boyfriend. Deep in my heart, I knew that she understands her condition and it will take more than a man to accept her as his other half. And so she cheats herself by telling herself that she doesn’t want to get attached or married. This is done in order that she will not think of having a child. She has to cheat herself in order to numb herself and forget about the basic pleasures of a woman; having a family.

This fact really struck me down. I was totally dumbfounded for moments. I have never expected that this trip although was a trip whereby I teach people about vehicles. But yet N taught me about the truly sympathetic life of the poor in Philippines. In doing so, she also indirectly highlights the fortune Singaporeans have over here in this little red dot.

As time ticked by, we headed off to the minibus. While inside, N and I were seated in the rear. I held on to her hand. I felt like crying but holding the tears in my eyes. What is great about this girl is her willingness as the eldest sister to sacrifice herself by ruining her life in order to give her siblings and her mother a life.

How many of us here who has been following the story up till now are willing to do that? I doubt there will even be 1.

Appreciate your family, appreciate Singapore. Because barely 3.5 hours of flight away, there’re many people who don’t even have an opportunity to appreciate.

Thank you for reading this story. And for fellow friends who visit the poorer nations and happen to chance upon a sexual transaction with a girl. Think about the family behind her pathetic background. If we need to screw her so that we can help the family have the next meal on the table, then we’re nothing more than scumbags who take advantage of the weak. Engage the girl in other activities and pay her generously with our powerful currency, do not trash her already battered integrity.

As for N, before we reached the airport, I took out my remaining 1000peso and stuffed into her wallet fully aware that given her condition today, she will not be going back to work tonight. When I reached the air port, I really couldn't bear to leave her. I held onto her hands and she leans forward and kissed me on my lips. A forbidden act which denotes the display of affections. I knew we're now truly friends. I could see from her eyes that there was a sense of helplessness with my impending departure.

I stepped out of the mini bus with immense pain and reluctance. While unloading my luggages, I could still see N looking at me from the cabin. I entered into the Manila air port departure hall filled with emotions. But I know fully well I will come back again one day. By then, I hope that she has found her way out of the sex industry to resume a normal life again. One thing for sure. So long I live, I will never forget her.

(THE END)

Napfa is coming and I am training like a mad man! Never in my life had I ever ran constantly every alternate days! But the good new is that I am improving as I train. 1 week ago, I cant even complete 1.8km and slowly I am completing 2.4 in 14 mins, 13 mins till the current record of 12 mins 30 secs! Hurray for me! My aim right now will be 11 mins where I am safely in the gold medal zone :)

Another worry for me is my standing broad jump. I have to jump 2.13m to get 1 point! Right now I can only jump up till 2.05m only! How to train for this station? I really new help on this!

The other 4 stations should be a piece of cake for me... Seat-up I can see myself getting 4 point, Pull up 5 point, Seat&Reach 5 point, Shutter Run 4 points. That is the target I set for myself currently.

I finally did some DIY on my bike! Shall post pictures soon to appreciate it myself :P

I just registered to attend

Singapore Bike Fest 2008

I'm saving this post as a draft. Maybe 5 months on or so, I will just publish this post maybe after December or March. Why? Maybe this period is the time for me to experience all the disappointment which I had felt for the past 3 years.

Somehow, some way or another, I feel that you are not the one who is able to provide me with happiness. What I had desired for 3 years how much was given to me? Material wants, intangible wants, emotional wants?

Maybe I can say that I am a greedy person. What I have given, I demand something in return. But surely, after what that I had already given, I deserve more than the treatment I am currently receiving.

And then again? Why am I having such thoughts? There is actually someone who practically place herself at my doorsteps confessing her feelings to me and hoping that I can be with her. I rejected her approach. I had been unfaithful in the past and I promise in order to maintain my relationship, I shall be unfaithful no more and that was exactly what I did.

All along, I knew that given my calibre, I could easily get someone better than you. This was what that had been told by many of my peers. But I was not influence by these comments! Foolishly or naively, all continue to offer my love to you with all my heart. But, to a certain degree, happiness was lacking in this relationship although I could tell that you really love me with all your heart as well.

I'm sure by this time, you already know that I always ranked happiness as my no.1 priority in a relationship. So what for continue on a relationship when there isn't happiness?

So, with this piece of statement, I made a decision. If I were to be disappointed one more time, a break-up is definitely one of my options. I'm not unreasonable to the extent that once I got disappointed then its over. For the upcoming two special ocassions for the both my birthday and our 4 year anniversary. Maybe this will be the day to make or break our relationship.

Once I publish this post, I will inform you.