I am immature :)

What makes me to feel paranoia? Ever since young, I had been expose to all sort of unhappy events. Not only from my family and even from friends. I had always wondered by some people get to live such blessful life which I had been deprived off. I grew up feeling the world was unfair.

Furthermore, I totally do not agree with the chinese proverb: "hao xin hui you hao bao". Why? Again, some real life examples will be best to explain my belief.
1) If I helps an average student with their work, what will I get in return? They will most probably approach me for more help in future.
2) If I had pamper someone so that they will be happy, the most probably results is spoiling them instead of them appreciating what you had done.
3) If I were to donate to the needy, will they know that I had been donating to them? And based on scientific fact, by donating more money will not increase my luck of winning Toto, 4D.

I'm not saving that doing good acts will not be good. There can be tangible and intangible benefit. Sometimes, when I help people, I do feel good. I feel that doing good act should be totally out of goodwill and not for any benefit. However, that do not seems to be the case. Largely, people do good acts just to get "hao bao" in return.

Today was definitely not one of the best annivesary I ever had.

Anyway, not be be a sour juice...

To: Cynthia

As people says, the person who know you the best is yourself.

Strangly, I do not find it true for me. I feel that I do not understand myself! Basically, what I understand about myself is that I have big ambition.

Sometimes, when I get emotional, I do not even know the reason for me feeling that way! The feelings just seems to go straight into my brain. Sometimes, my heart hurts for no apparent reason.

Another strange thing running through my mind is that I hoping for my father to be released soon. A family really need a man in order to function properly. The childhood of mine cannot be altered and I habour no hopes of having a happy family but I just hope that when he's back, he will take good care of the family and my mother.

Shucks... I do not even know what I am talking about. Maybe I am just dreaming. The present is too depressing for me now.