You say me whether I am trying to get revenge. I reply yes. You said fine with you. I am seriously begining to think that we really have serious communication problems. Our words are like needles which will inflict pain to the reader reading or listening to it.

During my O levels examination, you claim that I am too busy for you. I study so much that I completely neglected you. However, I remember I still have 1 hour of time to chat with you and not counting the numberous messages which I sent you. Now, you are hardly into your examination period and you are already so damn busy with projects which will restrict you to sending less than 10 messages a day to me and talking to me less than 15 minutes on the phone each day. Is it fair that you get to complain during my O level examinations and I do not get to even get to protest about how busy you are. You keep telling me to be understanding, next week will be better and give me all kinds of promises. However, weeks drag after weeks, to and extent that I want to become apathetic with whats going on regarding you. Let me emphasis, I WANT TO but I cant bring myself to do so.

Sigh... I cant understand I am able help other people in their problems but I myself am so helpless. My situation is similar with other people yet I could not do anything about it. Now I wish I am born dumb, mute and blind. Dumb to insult or arguement. Mute as in a will not be able to show my temper or opinion and all the anger will be trapped inside my body. Blind as not to be tempted by anything. In this way, My life will be much simplier. I may even die earlier! This is definitely good news if I am not afraid of death. Imagine, the demanding society, heartache from relationship and many other thngs, I am able to escape all of those earlier than any other people! Sigh.. too bad I am afriad of death.

Back to my revenge. I am getting revenge from doing the things which I love doing and might even benefit me in the future. What a joke! I say it is kind of like a revenge as you get to participate in so much things in school. You have friends in school! Maybe I am just jealous of you. The competitive spirit in me had evolve. I want to be better than you. It could be one of those way I could phrase it. Another way to phrase it is that I am doing all those things to avoid thinking too much. You know I get paranoid easily & get angry easily. If there is something distracting me, I will not think negative thoughts.

Sigh, I am going back to study. This exams is really going to be tough of me. Everything seems to be against me. My health, my relationship and my determination leading me away from concentrating in my exams. I guess I really need alot of luck to do well this time round. Honestly speaking, this is the first time I am thinking of ending everything. I am not willing but I have to make a choice. Let time create a decision for me...