I just found out that my brain is very problematic recently. It thinks of stuff which I am not required to think of and yet it serve me well in my educations. Why couldn't I let go of my belief and continue life in a much relax and carefree way? I keep thinking of the negetive side of everything. Although I had some positive thoughts, the negetive side seems to be too overwhelming for me to handle. I am not only talking about education! It is about every situation I encounter! I want to stop all those thoughts but I failed. I just want to be a carefree and happy-go-lucky person who would not bother much in life except for matters which concerns me. I sure hope this "negetive" part of my brain will blow up and never to bother me again. Yesterday, I made a decision. I will not give up body-building! So, I started doing my push-up all over again and started my weight training again. It was not intensive but I could feel the weakness in my body. Reflecting back of the past, I had neglected alot of things. Luckily, if i were to put in the effort now, I will not lose out yet. I want to have a place to scream out loud, have somebody to talk some sense into me, give my mind a little break or isolate myself for a time being. However, all this is impossible! I have so much to do and so much things to handle. I know I am not stress by studies yet but somehow, I do not feel right with my life now. It seems to be miles apart from the life I used to live. I had not adapt to this life but I want to get used to it. My old live is just a dark shadow of my past which I want to escape. Can somebody stop me from thinking what I should not be bother with?

Early in the morning, I woke up and brush my teeth, wash my face and prepare of school. I had last stepped into the schoold since two weeks ago. This will be an important new chapter in my life as it decide the remaining rest of my pages in my like book. Miracle happened today! My hairstyle was allow and acceptable! None of the teachers spotted my long hair! I am so glad! It will save my money in going of a new haircut. I also had a new VP this term. Actually, it will be none of my business! I will just be studying, revising and this process will repeat itself for the next 4 months. I prepared a bottle of herbal drink which I forgot to bring to school. It is so forgetful of me. Anyway, the first day after a long holiday is always time to do self-reflection and set new aims. Madam Yani ask us about our hope for the next for months and honestly, I just hope that stress and pressure will not be a factor for my along this four months. Madam Yani also emphasis on something - to have hope! With hope, you will have the motivation and then you have the focus and determination. But my thought contridicts hers. What if there is individuals who already are filled with hope, overconfident and complacency? What are they able to do? I do not want to ponder over all this now. My wishlist is only filled with one sentences - To do well for my O's. The question in my mind now is only will I or will I not do well for my O's.

In a blink of an eye, my relationship with Cynthia had gone to a whole new stage and the school holidays is over. This holiday seems to be short! I was apparently having less sleep than the usual school life! I had to juggle between work, relationship and studies. I did all my homework in a rush during the last few days of the school holidays. I am also visably thinner and weaker as I am nearly exercising while working. I swear I will never do that kind of job again! Lets not think about that for a moment. It was our 3 months anniversary today. I'm sorry that I could not do anything except treating you to a meal and accompany you today. I was tired and at a loss of what to do and where to go. All my plans were too time consuming and I do not have a chance to plan before hand. Another reason is that our arguement a few days ago left me to be moody and kind of paranoid. There is a few things that I know is too demanding so I never mention them to you. I hope I will not be that paranoid and at unease anymore. I do not even know the reason of my feelings! I hope that does not ruin anything. Back to today - it was more like a shopping spree and I am certain I spend more than $100. I like the feeling of buying whatever catching my eye. But displeassure dawn when my cash soon ran out. I set a limit on myself and I had overspend. The day as shortlived as I had to rush back home to complete all my homework and prepare for the upcoming semestor. It will be the last and the most important ride of all my schooling life! I will be a slave for the TYS, I will strive to earn the grades I desire, I will work undoubtly hard and I must have the hope and confident! Hopefully everything will turn out smoothly in the months ahead.

3 months is approaching but the sky seems to be darker everyday. It is suppose to be light and sunny, anticipating that exact moment in time which will never happen again. I know my own weakness but who will like to admit their own mistake? But what was the root for all those mistake? Will a mistake lead to another mistake? I may not have shown you the right type of "Concern" which you wanted but deep inside my heart, it is still the Love, Care & Concern which never seems visable to you! My ways of expressing may not seems to please you but I had tried. I almost gave up to say the true but there is a mysterious power in within myself which keep echoing - Have Faith, Do Not Give Up! You are a strange creature but under the thick layel of skin, there lies a small innocent kid whom I adore so much and will love no matter what! I want to hug and love this small young child forever chuddling it in my arms seeing it smiling in joy. This child happens to be you. Stubborn as you may be, Witful as you could be, Smart as you claim you are and the things which you never want to let go of. All this trails are similar to a child! You are actually still a child at heart! There is one last thing I want to add. Everything I do, I only have your interest at heart! There is no other purpose behind it! I want you to have and be the best! I will try to make everything possible! But all this can never be done alone!

Today is movie day! It was another special day for me! I was out with my small makeover. I meet Cynthia at her home and watch some cartoon before going off to the nearest shopping centre to buy "some" snacks for the movies. As we were in a rush of time and I'm "rich", we decided to take a cab to Causeway Point. Along the way, I was stuffing the "some" snacks into Cynthia bag and it almost burst! I quickly rearrange everything so there will be sufficient space. Cynthia bought the tickets and I managed to hide all the snacks and smuggle them inside the cinema! The whole issue was so hilarious! We are almost smuggling snacks into that cinema everytime. The first movie was Mr & Mrs Smith! It was more to the action side and I had promise to watch it with Cynthia. The next movie was the one which I really love! "Alot Like Love" It was a romantic comedy and I really enjoyed myself during the show! However, there were some parts which I accidently miss and I want to watch that movie again! It is one of the best movie ever! We took a walk at Causeway point and I nearly bought a basketball! Luckily, Cynthia talked me out of buying it. We went to Yishun to buy tickets of premonition. Before the movie start, I ordered a fishball mee at a nearby coffee shop and the uncle there was so boastful! His behavious and attitude act as if his fishball mee was among the best in Singapore! It taste worst than my hometown local fishball mee and it is more expensive! Anyway, our last movie sucks! The rating on the newspaper review did not really broadcast my rating for that show. I send Cynthia home early as I have to work the following day. I did not know that I had taken Cynthia's wallet home with me! I was too tired and rush to return it back to her today. I think I will be returning her tomorrow.

After months of studying and some days of torturious working, I am "enjoying" myself in sentosa. 16 of june 2005! Everything was planned and arranged before-hand. There will be two group of us entering Sentosa - By foot & by bike. Those travelling on foot will have to be there earlier and those riding bike there will be able to sleep slightly later. We bought Mac's breakfast and we have to carry all those stuff while riding on the bike into Sentosa. Drinks were spilt and food became soggy. Despite all odds, we managed to paddle safely up the seemingly high hills and reach our destination - Palawan Beach. We stayed there all day to swim, play volleyball and cycle our bike. Sentosa biking trail was indeed tough! Soon, some of us left and the remaining was most likely to stay behind in Sentosa till the next morning. I was on of them. The night was boring as the only activity which is going on was the playing of poker cards. The moment day breaks, we were off with our bike, preparing to cycle out of Sentosa to our home sweet home! I went to Loy's home to return his bike and proceeding to Cynthia's home for her to heal me. She cook a delicious meal for me but too bad I was too tired and wasn't feeling well. After I nap, I went to pay the deposit for my spectacles which is due for collection on monday. I went home after that and nap till now! I am feeling the ache in my entire body now! How I'm I suppose to report for work tomorrow? I am completely drained off of all my percious strength!

Here are the photos! Enjoy!

I have been working this few days and as a result, I did not fulfill my promise in blogging everyday. This is all because of the sack of buying something I need or maybe demand. I watch another movie, "Cursed", a story revoluting around were-wolf. Do you believe in were-wolf? I most certainly do not believe in them! They are just mystic creature arn't they? I remember one day after I got off from work and Cynthia surprised me by waiting below my home with a KFC meal! It was so considerate of her and so sweet too. But it seems that she had a purpose! I have to pass her some of my hamster food. It was alright with me as I have plenty of food left. I was very tired by then and I only send her to her bus-stop and rush home to (zzz). I was also planning to go joy-riding with loy borrowing his bike. But jm called me out and since I had not been out with him for such a long time, I decided to cancel the biking idea. We went to paradisc! A place which I had not stepped into for a very long time. I nearly completed a sniper game which I am still practising on but it seems it was all to tough for my failing eyes. I also play a game of pool with Jm on another day. My skills of aiming the "balls" and the use of the "stick" can be put simply into a word - Lousy! If I had the money and time, I will be sure to practise everyday. Today, I went to meet Cynthia. I order a levi's spectacles at an optical shop near her home. It was quite "bastard" of me to make use of those shops which offer me a glimsp of their levi's catalog. Nothing more to add. I had been extremely tired lately and I still have to make sure I'm fresh on thursday for the Sentosa trip.

Woke up early in the moring for English remedial. Miss Tan was teaching us how to develop our ideas as content is equal to language in the marking scheme. After school, I went to Loy's home with the intention of riding a bike but Cynthia called and I rushed off to her home. I bought Nasi Baryani to her home to eat. All the way from redhill to her home! Luckily, the food is still warm when I reached her home. Stayed there to take care of her till 3 plus and I have to take a cab to rush to jessica's home. The cab driver let me have a fare of $10 despite the metre going to $11.70. It was so good of the driver and I rushed to jessica's home in a hurry. However, John and melody was still not there yet! I should have taken my time slowly and save some money. We finish the filming on this fateful day! We had indeed taken a long time to complete this filming. Jessica's sister had also given me a hamster cage which she do not need anymore. This make the trip even more fruitful! Thats all for today!

Some unhappiness had arisen and I do not wish to elaberate on it. I will just describe briefly on what happen on Monday. My class had an English workshop at Singpore Power Aditorium. It was exactly like a lecture and it was quite useful to my understanding and how I could improve on my English. I went home for a bath and change so that I will be fresher infront of Cynthia. She cooked red bean soup with sago for me and I couldn't finish the red beans. Sorry about that. It was not because I do not want to drink but there were too much ingredients. We went to buy tickets for the movie " My Bf Is Type B ". After that, we went to the supermarket to buy some snacks to eat during the movie. It was exaggerating as we both milk, potato chips and bread into the threate! Would that be considered as smuggling? The movie was great. Touching and funny at the same time. We went to Toa Payoh after that to have dumpling noodles. Cynthia seems to like the noodles there! After that, She sent me home for the first time! She did not tell me that her stomach hurts. Anyway, you really should have told me about it.

Thousands apoligizes! I really do not had the time to blog recently. I was working, studying and dating. I got absolutely no time left for anything else! The moment I reach home is bath eat and sleep! Let me recall what I had done for the past few days. My mind is in a blank! I been hunting for jobs and finally, I landed a car washing job. It was... overwhelming tiring with jusy a moderest salary. What to do? I had to buy my spectacles by the end of the holidays. I watch monster-in-law on saturday. It was funny but not a very well done comedy. It lacks the hilarious portion. I was suppose to be cycling at ubin island on that fateful day but TG told me of reports on chicken flu going around in ubin so we decided it is safer to keep away from ubin. It was alright with me. I had cycled on monday and it should be enough for me. Another point to note! I fallen in love with a new sport - badminton. I been practising very hard to play with Cynthia and I found an attractment to that sport. However, my skills are still lacking far behind to be considered professional. However, it was not a problem. Cynthia's skill was poorer than I expected. Joking! We will be training together as I left a badminton racket at her home and I could go over to play any moment. I went to suntec and city-link too! I was thinking of visiting the book fair but I knew Cynthia hate the sight of books so I mention nothing to her. She force me to visit her friend and she hang at the store for a very long time! I just wonder around looking for my own entertainment. After that, we catch the movie as say earlier. Then, I wanted to buy a cap for my work and ubin trip. In the end, I ended buying the cap and a singlet! My vitamin C is using up fast! Cynthia told me that she is now addicted to branded stuff and she blame it all on me! Sorry! I am a person who goes for brand but I must argue that I also go for design. Today, I went to work without my newly bought cap! I left it in the bag which all the badminton racket were kept and Cynthia bring it home. I'm capless for the day. Luckily, the sun show pity for me today and I got off without and heat stroke. However, there is alot of car to wash today! I was working non-stop for around 6 or 7 hours! I am so tired now! I will try to blog more during the holidays!